Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

It’s difficult to reflect on my day-to-day experiences in India knowing that I am so far removed from the experience of the Haiti crisis – of course physically but also in terms of coverage. I have seen but one article in the local paper, The Hindu, on half of the back page of the main section (there have certainly been others that I have not seen but not one on the front page). I just read a moving piece by Dr. Mark Hyman that blew me away in content and communication capacity; it is incredible to me that amidst 75 surgeries in 3 days, he is blogging to share his story!

I have been wondering how this world tragedy could get so little coverage (and to think people complain about U.S. media) and can only surmise that perhaps paying attention to other’s suffering requires a break from your own. Earlier this week, when the U.S. was celebrating non-violent resistance in honor of Martin Luther King, people here were dousing themselves in gasoline and torching themselves in protest over a delay in creating a new state. I don’t pretend to understand the complexity of the issue (and certainly mean no disrespect by my comparison) but as a naïve American, it is to me like hearing an American University student hung himself over DC voting rights. While my Indian coworkers share, to a degree, my disbelief, the topic of Haiti has yet to come up over lunch.

Tragedy certainly notwithstanding, being reminded of the basics of living (i.e. water and humanity) is something that as a detached witness, I can embrace. In my own experiences, I was reminded of some of these basics after spending 7 hours on Saturday at the Hyderabad zoo with about 70 little people from the Hyderabad Children’s Aid Society (lots of pictures here). They remind me that whether in Haiti or India, people are the same in basic ways and it would suit me to remember that more often.

1. Attention is all most people really want. These kids got such a thrill from seeing themselves on my camera and desperately wanted me to know each of their names. They all wanted to know my name even though they called me “Sister”, and asked me questions even though they could barely understand my answers. I felt that they wanted to get and hold my focus on them. It reminds me of an HP social computing lab study (pdf) that found that what motivates participation in social media is not self-expression or altruism but rather attention. Max Kalehoff of MediaPost summed it up nicely: “Because to grant attention is to acknowledge; and acknowledgment is the basis of all relationships.” Attention is the most basic form of validation that “yes, I exist” and granting someone that focus and recognition is the easiest thing we can do.
2. As the saying goes, it’s better to give than to receive. These kids didn’t complain once – and it was hot, we walked a lot and they had to carry their canteen lunch around for about 4 hours. When we finally sat to eat, the kids got a paper plate (with no utensil or napkin) of yellow rice followed by a plate of white rice and finished off with a banana. Sure much of India is vegetarian for religious purposes, but plain rice for an entire meal? Food is but one example of how little they have. Yet, when afternoon snack time came and each kid got two pieces of candy and a pack of biscuits, half a dozen of them rushed up to me to give me theirs. No sooner do they get something are they ready to share it. I wonder how much of this has to do with the generous, hospitable Indian culture. If you’ve ever eaten at an Indian home, you know what I mean - you can’t say no. (Actually, I turned down thirds for lunch and Auntie responded “you don’t like Indian food?”)
3. Hand holding is underrated. Last time I was in India, I was surprised to see that grown men hold hands as a form of friendship (particularly given how generally homophobic the culture is). The kids love holding hands and I can understand why. It’s the most simple, non-sexual form of affection that can be done moving or sitting still, talking together or in silence. And it is an activity that has no age, gender, language or culture barriers - everyone knows how. 

This entry was posted on Friday, January 22nd, 2010 at 3:25 am and is filed under growth, india, travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.