Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

Last weekend I spent 3 days in Florida with 3 of my best college pals for our annual get-away reunion. Though it doesn’t take a vacation to remind me that friends are important, it did get me thinking how each friend fulfills a different set of needs - an idea articulated in the book Vital Friends by Tom Rath, which categorizes those friends who “measurably improve your life” into 8 types.

The most significant take-away (I’m saving you from having to read the whole book) is the idea of “the rounding error.” Though we might expect our friends to be good at everything and be all we need them to be - motivational, goofy, challenging, supportive, etc. - this is simply unrealistic. Each friend plays their part just as we play only certain parts for our friends. The bottom line is that meaningful, engaged relationships are quite literally vital to our physical and mental health and our personal and professional success.

So here is my own “balanced friends diet,” some taken from bits of the book but mostly these 6 friends come from people in my life.

1. The Motivator: Sees your strengths that you might not and takes your wildest dreams seriously. This person expects you to “be somebody” and is secure enough with who they are to offer sincere praise, passing on some of their self confidence to you. (like Rath’s Builder and Champion)
2. The Laugher: When you need a boost, this person can help you see the humor in everything, even themselves. They have a contagious smile and attitude and you have fun every time you’re with them.
3. The Realist (or Normalizer): They recognize the depth and complexity of human emotion and make you feel normal for experiencing it, giving you comfort in being understood. They will also tell you how it is to help you gain clarity and see the big picture. I think this is who James Taylor is talking about when he says, “Once you tell somebody the way that you feel, you feel it beginning to ease…”
4. The Relator: Someone who has common interests, passions and ambitions and shares elements of your identity. They “get you”: what you’re interested in and why and can understand where you’re headed. (like Rath’s collaborator)
5. The Explorer: Self aware and comfortable, these people are always looking to try new things, build new skills, or enter a new situation. They push you to ask good questions and look at things in new ways.
6. The Loyalist: You are “safe” with this person and let yourself share your fears, talk about how you’ve changed/are changing and are able to be wrong because of the level of trust. This is the first person you call because they know how to listen well and will always set aside time for you. (like Rath’s companion)

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 10th, 2008 at 7:56 pm and is filed under books, growth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.