Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

My roommate and colleague Shobhit is like my pop up video for India; he adds a layer of information to the things I experience with him that makes me want to tune in.

On Tuesday night in honor of Republic Day, the day India officially adopted their constitution, we watched Gandhi. While I had not seen it, apparently he’s seen this movie a couple dozen times because it plays on TV each of the 3 national holidays, one of which is Gandhi’s birthday. Shobhit grew up in India until he was 15 and moved to Long Island, so is the perfect blend of both countries in terms of cultural awareness. He can add things like “…during the partition [of India and Pakistan], Hindus like my parents had to leave the Pakistan region but those who were Muslim had a choice about whether to leave India…” I had no idea that some estimate that nearly 1 million people died in the religious battles that ensued following Gandhi’s over three decades of preaching non-violence.

While some of the movie was new to me, two prominent themes have emerged for me in more than a handful of places recently, even before I came here. This is very likely because I’m living in the birthplace of Buddhism and carrying around a Moleskine notebook consciously looking for opportunities of enlightenment (yes, I admit it with mild discomfort). Is it just me who is hearing these messages?

1. What defines “happiness” doesn’t seem to change across time or culture. Consistently, a sense of purpose, or acting on behalf of something bigger than oneself, seems to be the key to sustained happiness. I’ve heard this in a number of places recently including from Martin Seligman’s TED talk in which he shares that the meaningful life is using one’s strengths in service of something larger. Research shows that volunteers live longer, healthier and more satisfied lives, perhaps explaining why so many celebrities - like Madonna (Raising Malawi) and George Clooney (Not on Our Watch) - turn to social change work. We can also see evidence in the rapid growth of the social enterprise sector and the existence of sites like TakePart, Change.org, Changents, and Social Actions (a culmination of some of these) providing outlets for those seeking to give time or money. Gandi, while arguably not totally “happy” from his accomplishments, is but one example of a life’s pursuit devoted to something outside himself. (This is, of course, not dissimilar to arguments in favor of religion and can be seen in Rick Warren’s success.) I’m curious if others ponder their sense of “greater purpose”?
2. To act for a cause and make a real impact, one has to understand the issue, the people impacted and the source (irrespective of whether you can effectively address the source). To paraphrase Nicholas Kristof, to care is to understand, not just oppose, or as an astute blog commenter, Alex Thompson-Bocek put it, “it is ineffective to apply a business solution to social injustices without understanding the root cause.” Gandhi, as I’m sure you know, lived as the people among the people (hence the minimalist garb) after traveling the country to learn as much as he could. Personally, I’ve been pleasantly surprised how much communications with my coworkers is non-verbal, however there are serious limitations to my understanding and making an impact simply because I can’t speak to our primary customers – the vendors that mainly speak Telugu. There are lots of examples of well meaning social change efforts that fail largely because they don’t quite have the whole picture. Which brings me to my Indian business idea #6: an implantable language chip for the brain, or I suppose I could just go everywhere with Shobhit.

It’s difficult to reflect on my day-to-day experiences in India knowing that I am so far removed from the experience of the Haiti crisis – of course physically but also in terms of coverage. I have seen but one article in the local paper, The Hindu, on half of the back page of the main section (there have certainly been others that I have not seen but not one on the front page). I just read a moving piece by Dr. Mark Hyman that blew me away in content and communication capacity; it is incredible to me that amidst 75 surgeries in 3 days, he is blogging to share his story!

I have been wondering how this world tragedy could get so little coverage (and to think people complain about U.S. media) and can only surmise that perhaps paying attention to other’s suffering requires a break from your own. Earlier this week, when the U.S. was celebrating non-violent resistance in honor of Martin Luther King, people here were dousing themselves in gasoline and torching themselves in protest over a delay in creating a new state. I don’t pretend to understand the complexity of the issue (and certainly mean no disrespect by my comparison) but as a naïve American, it is to me like hearing an American University student hung himself over DC voting rights. While my Indian coworkers share, to a degree, my disbelief, the topic of Haiti has yet to come up over lunch.

Tragedy certainly notwithstanding, being reminded of the basics of living (i.e. water and humanity) is something that as a detached witness, I can embrace. In my own experiences, I was reminded of some of these basics after spending 7 hours on Saturday at the Hyderabad zoo with about 70 little people from the Hyderabad Children’s Aid Society (lots of pictures here). They remind me that whether in Haiti or India, people are the same in basic ways and it would suit me to remember that more often.

1. Attention is all most people really want. These kids got such a thrill from seeing themselves on my camera and desperately wanted me to know each of their names. They all wanted to know my name even though they called me “Sister”, and asked me questions even though they could barely understand my answers. I felt that they wanted to get and hold my focus on them. It reminds me of an HP social computing lab study (pdf) that found that what motivates participation in social media is not self-expression or altruism but rather attention. Max Kalehoff of MediaPost summed it up nicely: “Because to grant attention is to acknowledge; and acknowledgment is the basis of all relationships.” Attention is the most basic form of validation that “yes, I exist” and granting someone that focus and recognition is the easiest thing we can do.
2. As the saying goes, it’s better to give than to receive. These kids didn’t complain once – and it was hot, we walked a lot and they had to carry their canteen lunch around for about 4 hours. When we finally sat to eat, the kids got a paper plate (with no utensil or napkin) of yellow rice followed by a plate of white rice and finished off with a banana. Sure much of India is vegetarian for religious purposes, but plain rice for an entire meal? Food is but one example of how little they have. Yet, when afternoon snack time came and each kid got two pieces of candy and a pack of biscuits, half a dozen of them rushed up to me to give me theirs. No sooner do they get something are they ready to share it. I wonder how much of this has to do with the generous, hospitable Indian culture. If you’ve ever eaten at an Indian home, you know what I mean - you can’t say no. (Actually, I turned down thirds for lunch and Auntie responded “you don’t like Indian food?”)
3. Hand holding is underrated. Last time I was in India, I was surprised to see that grown men hold hands as a form of friendship (particularly given how generally homophobic the culture is). The kids love holding hands and I can understand why. It’s the most simple, non-sexual form of affection that can be done moving or sitting still, talking together or in silence. And it is an activity that has no age, gender, language or culture barriers - everyone knows how. 

Well I’ve been MIA for a while prepping for a “life sabbatical.”  On Saturday, I arrived safely in Hyderabad, India. As with most big changes, it was bittersweet to leave Beaconfire but I decided to pursue a path I’ve been interested in since before starting business school: the intersection of making dollars and making change.

Since most of you reading this got the super quick version, here’s the regular quick version: I’ll be here until early May working on various online constituent relationship management, user experience and content strategy projects for a social enterprise start up called GreenMango. The company was started in 2008 by two young American women with backgrounds in micro-finance who felt there was a place for low cost, valuable services for small businesses (in addition to the now popular loan model). The idea is to bridge the “informal” economy – unregistered businesses which consist of individuals with trade skills but no access to the internet or marketing abilities – with consumers, or “shoppers,” who are looking for cooks, carpenters, cleaners, etc. for their homes.

Needless to say, living in India is going to take some getting used to.  Though I have yet to uncover all the ways, here is a sampling of my first few days.

1. Brushing my teeth with bottled water. As you may know, the most persistent threat to a foreigner’s health is water, like in much of the developing world. Of course, the autos don’t drive in proper lanes and malaria is an issue, but water impact everything you do. Because of this, I pour water into a mug and hold it in my left hand while brushing my teeth, which is both for swirling my toothbrush and so I can resist the instinct to turn on the water.
2. Having a “tea lady.” Yesterday was my first day of work and one of my few American colleagues asked me how I want my tea – with or without sugar and with or without milk. “Actually, you have to have it with milk. Do you want sugar?” I said, just a little. She replied, “This isn’t Starbucks. It’s either with or without.” I had three cups of it because Lakshmi brings it over to me whenever she sees I drank the last cup. It’s pretty awesome. There’s also a guy who goes and buys your lunch. While this is a bootstrapping start up, I wonder if this is kind of what it feels like to work at Google?
3. Walking away from a negotiation over 20 cents. Typically an auto ride costs about 50 cents to one dollar for a 3-5 mile ride and people in India generally hate to overpay (and often think they are overpaying). Before getting into an auto (which is just a scooter that fits people in a back seat), you have to negotiate the price and 10 rupees too much is commonly a deal breaker.
4. Not having Internet access at home. I started a book (Half The Sky which I highly recommend) just two days ago and I’m on page 213, a rarity for me. The first day not having Internet was painful, but now I’m wondering if this kind of disconnecting is just what I need. My roommate is not sharing this revelation, however, so he’ll likely get us access so I can do late night/early morning Skype calls with people.
5. Feeling like Will Ferrell in Elf when he says “You have a big coat. I saw a dog today. Does your friend have a big coat too?” Seriously, I am like a five-year-old, announcing my random observations and asking dumb questions. For example, I am called “maam” by my colleagues at work. I’ve heard YMCA three times my first day (and Grease and Kung Fu Fighting and other 70s gems a few times too). And I’ve seen many more goats and camels than other white people. Some of the goats were eating trash next to a guy peeing on the side of the road and the camels were being ridden by 4 little boys giggling with delight and selling rides.
6. Walking with purpose without any. As I was warned, I am stared at everywhere I go. I don’t want any extra attention or to let people smell fear so I walk the same way I would in the U.S. – with intent and speed. The problem is that there are no sidewalks so I have to make sure I’m not hit by an auto, I don’t step in a mud puddle and don’t make eye contact all while figuring out where I’m going. It’s exhausting but will hopefully get easier as time passes and I have a sense of direction, both literally and figuratively.