Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

This post has been baking for a while. Quite frankly, I haven’t had much to add to the (mostly) clever campaign commentary.

My gut reaction to having either the first black president or the first female vice president, as I’m a movie quote person was “Before the day is out, we shall have a wedding…or a hanging. Either way, we ought to have a lot of fun.” (From Robin Hood Men In Tights for you non-quote people). Of course I had to look it up to make sure I got it right and interestingly the next line is, “We are grossly outnumbered. So what can we do? We gotta get the villagers.” How appropriate.

Anyway, in my attempt to contribute something of value to this engaging, funny and often alarming political discourse, I’ve created a haiku collection of the best of the McCain/Palin reactions (biased and paraphrased obviously). Am I missing any good ones? Feel free to add your own.

1. If bull shit were real
   Currency, Sarah Palin
   Could bail out Wall Street
   - Kathleen Parker, September 26, 2008
2. It’s a really bad
   Disney movie…a really
   terrifying thought
   – Matt Damon, September 10, 2008
3. A vote for McCain
   Is a continuation
   Of the last eight years
   - Obama campaign ad, September 27, 2008
4. I want to be done
   playing this lady so help
   me. That would be good.
   - Tina Fey, September 22, 2008
5. Russia flys over
   My state so I have foreign
   policy know how
   - Sarah Palin, September 24, 2008
6. Are you going to
   Suspend being president
   When things get too tough?
   - David Letterman, September 24, 2008
7. A proud vagina
   American, I will vote
   For McCain this fall
   - Samantha Bee, August 29, 2008
8. McCain’s boiling
   Moralism…not suited
   To be President
   - George Will, September 23, 2008
9. There’s embarrassment
   that comes with watching someone
   do something badly
   - Rebecca Traister, September 30, 2008
10. McCain is bad for
    Republicanism, and
    Bad for the country.
    - Ann Coulter, January 31, 2008
11. Like a shiny toy
    From McDonalds, Palin is
    Pretty much useless
    - Clever coworker, September 29, 2008
12. Zero background. She
    Should have Henry Kissinger
    babysitting her
    - Ben Stein, September 3, 2008
13. Could your daughter date
    A 42 year old man
    When she’s 24?
    - Anonymous
14. If Sarah Palin
    doesn’t scare the hell out of
    you, it really should
    - Jack Cafferty, September 26, 2008
15. Palin was sold a
    subprime mortgage on a house
    she can not afford
    - Caller into Jack Cafferty’s show, September 26, 2008
    

In June, I wrote about top 3 things on my lifelong to do list and this Fall I’m taking the first step to accomplishing numero uno: I booked a flight to Boston to interview my grandmother in mid-October. If you’re interested in starting your own “life list” or just want get out of your head all the ideas you’ve been floating for years, these sentence starters might help.

1. I want to start but haven’t started…
2. I want to change but haven’t changed…
3. I want to try but haven’t tried…
4. I want to learn but haven’t learned…
5. I want to say but haven’t said…
6. I want to do but haven’t done…
7. I want to finish one day…

“Studies show” or “research tells us” are leads that legitimize almost any claim but you don’t have to trust me on these findings as I cited the sources. What’s an interesting or surprising thing you just learned?

1. University of Illinois and Microsoft reported in a joint study that we’re interrupted by an average of four email alerts per hour. Most fascinating (and oh so relevant to me) is that they found that when you stop what you’re doing to answer an email, it takes an average of 15 minutes to return to the first task and 10 minutes more to get back to the concentration level you had before the interruption.
2. A study, funded by the CDC, of 32 games on Happy-Neuron.com, a brain fitness site, showed that people who played games three times a week showed significant improvement in cognitive function. Does this mean we can categorize it under “knowledge building” at work?
3. If those games don’t improve your day, here’s something else you can try: Texas State University in San Marcos found that people who had a plant in their offices rated themselves as more satisfied with life and work than those without them.
4. People tend to make better decisions when they aren’t thinking consciously about the issue, according to studies done by the University of Amsterdam. Bottom line: get the facts and then follow your gut.
5. Before you plunge into the games to improve your cognitive functions, consider that studies have found that multitasking is really just a myth. “People can’t multitask very well, and when people say they can, they’re deluding themselves,” said MIT neuroscientist Earl Miller.

I was recently reminded of the power of words from Special Olympics’ fantastic new R-word campaign, which argues that the our choice of language frames how we think about others. Similarly, now that I’ve been subjected to two years of business school speak, I’m more conscious of how overused and misused words dilute the message and alter the point that’s being made.

Here are some words that come to mind that might be worth reconsidering next time you’re trying to make a point. What do you think: Is it better to play the game by the unwritten rules parroting your bosses or bring creativity and maybe some lost meaning back to the discussion?

1. Leverage: This word has a few meanings including “power or ability to act or to influence people, events, decisions, etc.” and “the use of credit to improve one’s speculative capacity and increase the rate of return from an investment.” I often hear it used - and use it myself - to mean use something for the benefit of something else which isn’t entirely wrong until you start hearing people use the words “leveragable” and “utilize” in the same sentence which just scream b.s.
2. Optimization: The process of making as perfect, effective, or functional as possible. Though I’ve found people use this correctly, there’s a tendency not to identify the goal that defines whether something has in fact been optimized. Without clear, pre-established metrics to see what numbers go up and what numbers go down, it’s pretty much impossible to know if optimization efforts worked. In other words, making slightly better is not optimizing.
3. Strategy: Probably should be #1 on this list, like “leverage,” strategy is often used to imply that a lot of thought went into a particular decision. Something many people overlook is that a strategy that effectively creates and captures value is often more about choosing what not to do than what to do. Strategy, of course, is also about foresight. As my former professor Hugh Courtney has written, “a good strategy should both shape and adapt by specifying actions designed to increase the probability of some outcomes while simultaneously preparing for others.”
4. Long tail: An old concept with a new label, the term was coined by Chris Anderson in a 2004 Wired magazine article referring to the strategy (yes, strategy) of offering specialized, often rare, items to small groups of people - a business model made popular through Amazon, Netflix and eBay. People often mistake “long tail” to mean shelf life when they talk about how long something will last.
5. Engagement: Simply defined as “emotional involvement or commitment,” but what does that really mean? Is it buying a product/service or talking about it after you buy it? Opening an email or commenting on a blog? To attempt to answer these questions, here are 9 experts’ thoughts on engagement, a post I wrote back in January.
6. Collaboration: A blended definition from a few places highlights that it’s not about volunteering to do something for someone - taking it away from them - but instead combining resources and brain power in a process. “Two or more individuals voluntarily bringing their knowledge and experience together by interacting toward a common goal in the best interest o the task at hand.”
7. ROI: Return on investment at its core asks the question, if I put $1 in how many dollars will I get out? But ROI is often used to mean, anything in and anything out. For example, “what’s the ROI on going to that meeting?” - in most contexts you can substitute “should I even bother?” in place of “what’s the ROI?”
8. Empower: Even dictionary.com recognizes it’s misused: “Although it is a contemporary buzzword, the word empower is not new, having arisen in the mid-17th century with the legalistic meaning ‘to invest with authority, authorize.’ Shortly thereafter it began to be used with an infinitive in a more general way meaning ‘to enable or permit.’ Both of these uses survive today but have been overpowered by the word’s use in politics and pop psychology. Its modern use originated in the civil rights movement…”

Like words? Here are some other posts you might like 8 words to impress, 7 words you’ll hear more in 2008, 14 words most looked up in the dictionary and 8 more words to impress.