Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

I’m notorious for starting to send signals about my birthday a good month in advance so it’s about that time. (In reality, I’ve been culling these gift shops together for a while.)

There are a lot of sites out there that attract people looking for “unique gifts,” but not all of them will deliver what you’re probably looking for. For example, one website I found they listed “endangered species erasers” as the top suggestion for mother’s day gifts. Another listed paper weights as a gift for women. I may not know your mom but I’m going to go out on a limb and recommend you try one of these below instead. Though, I should warn you that while I value “unique,” it usually means it makes me laugh which often means it’s useless as you can see from some of the product examples here.

1. Uncommon Goods: I especially love this company’s mission “to change the way business is conducted by making sustainability a part of every decision.” They are also impressively a founding member of B Corporation, which is “an organization created to help customers understand the social and environmental impact of their purchases.” Explore all their site has to offer including these notable highlights: back to school socks and a retro phone handset.
2. Etsy: “Your place to buy and sell all things handmade” - from woodworking to candles. An eBay-like company founded in June 2005, Etsy’s mission is to “enable people to make a living making things, and to reconnect makers with buyers.” They’re a super transparent company with an artist community and a craftivism section on their storque. You could spend hours on this site exploring all the sellers and kinds of goods they offer, plus you can feel good about yourself for supporting independent business owners.
3. Vat19: I discovered this site looking for a housewarming and thank you gift for my sister and her roommate. To sell their “curiously awesome” products, they employ a killer philosophy: “to present killer products with killer photography, killer video, and killer descriptions.” The selection may not be quite as large as some of these other sites but the interface is really well done, they have great stuff and you can search by topic or price range. I got Carolyn and Kerry two of these gigantic gummy bears on sticks, and some other stuff of course because buying candy as a housewarming gift is pretty weak. The video about how they got their name (posted today actually) is fun.
4. Perpetual Kid: Other than their tagline, “entertain your inner child,” I couldn’t find much about this site. I did discover that they’ve been featured in a number of magazines including Parents and Hooters.  Seriously. What kinds of products apply to such disparate audiences? Check out Chopstick Kids, We Met On Facebook Gum and these $32.99 glass water bottles.
5. World Of Good (by eBay): I have heard good things about WOG. Similar in some ways to Etsy, this site is a “marketplace to convene thousands of People Positive and Eco Positive sellers and products all in one place, empowering you to shop in ways that align with your personal values.” They use a clever product nutrition label called a “Good Print” that defines something as animal friendly or people positive, etc. Unlike some of these other sites, they have food products as well like coffee.
6. Disappointment in a box: Speaking of perpetual kids…I know this isn’t exactly a “gift” site but it’s certainly unique and for $24.95 they deliver “it” in a box. I haven’t bought a disappointment  box yet but if you do, please let us know what comes. All it says on the website is (emphasis not mine): “This Box Contains An Array Of Odd Things. Somethings May Be Recycled Some Things May Be Brand Spankin’ New! It’s A GRAB BOX! Are You Familiar With A Compilation Of Weird Things In One Box? You Need To Be! Get Close Up And Happy With Disappointment in a Box Today!” I’m very curious.
7. Curiosite: Two brothers founded this company in September 2008 as “a site that offers inspiration to keep the art of gift giving alive.” I love this picture of a kid with his “Airfork One” and just may be able to find a use for a plush t-bone steak.
8. Red Envelope: A go to favorite for me. You’ve probably heard of it so no explanation needed of this company that considers themselves your “partner in giving.” They offer “a unique and wide-ranging collection of thoughtful gifts for every occasion and everyone on your list.” A good choice especially if your gift receiver doesn’t quite have a sense of humor for all the silly things above.

Last Sunday, I convinced a cab driver to bring four of us from the BWI train station to DC for $15 each. This ride typically costs at least $80, the train wasn’t coming for 45 minutes and if we did wait it was going to be $21 each anyway. He got a really bad deal but not because I drove a hard bargain. On the contrary, all I did was ask.

This wasn’t exactly a hard negotiation but knowing these points from my b-school negotiation course definitely helped in this case and almost on a daily basis.

1. You’re your own barrier: It goes without saying but is worth a reminder that you can’t get what you don’t ask for. One of the most practical assignments I did in grad school was “collecting nos,” an exercise to ask people for things until I got 10 people to say “no” to me. We couldn’t ask the same person twice or use a question twice. It was a clever and effective way to teach that almost everything is up for discussion and barriers to “yes” are often self-made fear of rejection and lack of creativity to look for win-wins. Interestingly, of the more than 25 questions I asked, the most straightforward “no” was from a passer-by in Dupont Circle when I asked “Can I give you a dollar?” (with dollar in hand).
2. No one has to lose: There seems to be a widely held perception that negotiation is about winning and losing. In a successful negotiation, everyone walks away with something they want and the process is more about side-by-side problem solving that competition. Ideally, a negotiation is an opportunity to explore options, expand the pie and uncover the different sides interests to see how to find a middle ground. It’s about the problem not the two people working through it. Food for thought: If you ask who is winning in a marriage, your marriage is in trouble. This is true for negotiation as well.
3. Work on the relationship first: I heard somewhere recently that trust is a mutual understanding of behavior. Start with all the things we do subconsciously with people we care about - be patient, make eye contact, appear vulnerable, listen to understand not to respond, be authentic, find common ground, use “I statements.” Avoid a god-like voice because the expression the “truth is” puts people off.  Instead, speak for your self and represent a point of view not the point of view and you’re more likely to have the other side open up. If the other side isn’t doing any of these things, call them out. It’s hard to believe but being called out on tactics will make your negotiation partner like you more.
4. 85% of success is tied to preparation: As Phil Reed of Edmunds.com, the car buying site, says, “Smart negotiating is based on as much information as you can get.” The mistake a lot of people make in preparation is spending their time researching their needs and wants instead of understanding the other side - identifying their interests, perspective, options, BATNA, fears, tactics, questions they might ask, as well as the victory speech to their boss. Ask the question, If they get what they are asking for, what are they going to do with it? When a negotiation is about money (which is common as it’s often a proxy for other things), try to figure out how they would spend the money. Also, work on strengthening your own BATNA, or what your best alternative to negotiating an agreement, to increase confidence.
5. Power is perception: As my negotiation professor Dr. K reminded us ad nauseum (and rightfully so), “If you think you have the power, you probably do.” Having a good BATNA gives the perception that you have options and that you can walk away. The BATNA is the best alternative choice not a collection of alternatives or the bottom line, as it is often confused.  One caveat is that studies show that when people gain power, they lost perspective taking ability so power can cause one to forget to question assumptions and can make it hard to keep one’s eye on the prize.
6. Ask more questions: They say you have one mouth and two ears so you should be listening twice as much as you talk. Questions test assumptions and are even more important if you’re sure you’re right. The classic example is that two people both want an orange so they decide to split it in half but if they had talked about their interests in the orange, they would have learned that one wanted the fruit and the other wanted the peel.  Some questions to get started: What are you hoping to get out of this? or What bothers you about my idea? Sometimes it’s easier to get someone to criticize you than to describe their own interests. Spend about 20 minutes asking questions, collecting information before throwing out a number. Also, it’s human nature to be uncomfortable with silence. Use it to your advantage to get your partner talking.
7. Style coordination is an art: You can be all things to all people if you know who you are and what’s being asked. The best negotiators really think through their style and adjust based on the other person and situation. An avoider has to approach a competitor very differently than they would a collaborator.
8. Look for tactics, but use them: A tactic called out loses its power but they are also effective. For example, when asked a question you don’t want to answer, respond with another question. Know that “split the difference” usually means the person offering it is getting a better deal. When making concessions, you want to creep and get smaller because shrinking concessions mean you’re getting closer. And you can detect when someone lies through all sorts of body language indicators - tend to look up and to the right, more pauses in conversation, more “allness” – all, always, everyone, none, nobody, higher pitch voice, more self touching - like nose rubbing, and increased blinking. That of course isn’t a tactic, just a tip.  Good luck! 

One of the more valuable lessons underscored in business school (which I finished last month by the way), was the value in questioning assumptions. For example, the perception that diversity programs are about legal compliance. While I’ve been in countless debates about the strengths and weaknesses of affirmative action (just one representation of such programs), the reality is that organizations that embrace diversity, rather than look at it as a check mark on a government form, gain a competitive advantage by creating an environment that allows all employees to contribute and grow.

Unfortunately, this part of the debate often doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Now that we have elected a black President, I think it’s worth reflecting that diversity is not just “the right thing to do” but, in almost all situations, the better thing to do. Recruiting, retaining and motivating people of diverse backgrounds - whether that means race, gender, ability, sexual orientation, culture, age, language, etc. - can provide firms with competitive advantage in these ways.

1. More accurate representation of customers leads to improved customer and client relations. Workplaces that reflect the customer base attract the attention of wider consumer segments at a time when once small niche markets are replacing long-time majorities. Companies that effectively employ people that share their customers’ demographics, capture and retain them through improved marketing messages and demonstration of understanding of their customers’ needs and wants.
2. Different skills, values, and experiences means employees have a lot to learn from one another. Providing an environment where all kinds are welcome makes for a more open questioning and learning culture which, by nature, leads to innovation, improved professional growth and, by many standards, a more challenging and fulfilling place to work.
3. Varying perspectives mean less group think and increased creativity. Studies show that diverse teams produce more innovative solutions to problems. Tackling an issue from multiple backgrounds and experiences ensures that groups look at more angles of the challenge, consider more consequences and explore more options for a path forward which in turn leads to better decision making. Consider this next time your weird colleague is driving you crazy. Look at Ideo’s staff as an example of this in practice.
4. Adjusting to diversity encourages flexibility. The ability to balance different perspectives on a regular basis makes employees more open to constant change and nimble when business warrants it. And speaking of perspectives, from where I sit, getting used to adjusting one’s thought process is essential to productive critical thinking.

Many of these points come from a 1997 article from the Academy of Management called Building a Business Case for Diversity (pdf) by Gail Robinson and Kathleen Dechant.

After a four month hiatus, it’s time for the eighth edition of the Dudgington Post blog off. For those who have forgotten or are new to the blog off, my good friend Geoff and I each write a post on a single randomly selected topic (To name a few we’ve done in the past: security guards, entrepreneurship, snooze buttons and even zucchini blossoms.)

This time we’re talking about a topic I selected: collaboration, “a recursive process where two or more people or organizations work together toward an intersection of common goals,” according to Wikipedia (irony intended). Though I’ve always been a fan, in the last few months I’ve become a kind of evangelist for the concept. Here are some really fascinating bits and pieces collected on the power of collaboration. Of course, in the spirit of collaboration, leave a comment with your favorite example.

1. The Collaboration Project: “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what we can do together.” If you think Obama is the first breath of fresh air we’ve had in government in the last 8 years, you haven’t see this site. Launched last spring and powered by the National Academy of Public Administration, this wiki is an “independent forum of leaders committed to leveraging web 2.0 and the benefits of collaborative technology to solve government’s complex problems.” I am especially impressed by the site’s incredibly clear and concise case summaries that highlight business challenge, approach taken, results achieved, lessons learned and references. Examples of innovative initiatives include Wiser Earth, “a meeting ground for people wishing to “transform” the World,” and GovLoop.com, the premier social network connecting the government community. The site and examples are well worth digging into.
2. Charles Leadbeater: The rise of the amateur professional: As you may know, I love TED talks. Author and professional creativity expert, Leadbeater remarks that “The payoffs to innovation are greatest when the uncertainty is highest.” He makes a solid argument for open source, claiming that sustaining consumer driven innovation is the only true competitive force against a monopoly, and that turning (or rather allowing) consumers to become producers multiplies resources - and therefore possibilities - by leaps and bounds. I can get behind that idea.
3. SlideShare.net: “The world’s largest community for sharing presentations” is like YouTube for presentations and has an employee who calls himself the “Head Geek.” As someone who used PPT for client deliverables on a regular basis, I find this site incredibly helpful if for no other reason that to see what other people are doing. The only problem with the site is that good slide decks shouldn’t be understood without words (or rather bad slide decks are those that speak without a speaker) so is the site encouraging laziness in presentation skills? While adding voice is an option, my quick search found few with voice accompaniments. Nonetheless, here’s a great slide deck I found while perusing on How emotions work: Preference and action by a dashing Norwegian named Helge Tennø. Great quote from one slide, though there are a lot of great quotes in the PPT: “In the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there’s no need to do so, most people get busy on the proof.”
4. The Collaboration Prize: On March 5, 2009, the founder and lone funder of this innovative idea, The Lodestar Foundation will award $250,000 to a “collaboration among two or more nonprofit organizations that each would otherwise provide the same or similar programs or services and compete for clients, financial resources and staff.” This Phoenix-based philanthropic organization rewards the idea of “identifying and adopting a mission that is not focused on any specific field of interest and focusing instead on leveraging resources…[that] can maximize the impact of helping others and thereby create a greater opportunity to achieve happiness.” Why I love this project: This is the essence of what inspired me to go to business school and what I aspire to do with my career. I can’t wait to see who wins.