Ali Bytes: Bullet-sized strategies for modern living

June has been a rough month. This weekend will be my first weekend in DC in six weeks. Most than any summer past, I find myself pondering the proverbial and cleche “where did the time go?” Combined with a rough economy and skyrocketing unemployment, I figured today is appropriate to unveil a blog post that I’ve sat on for oh probably close to a year.

I’ve found that asking for help isn’t easy and delegation is probably the most underrated difficult skill to learn. Most of us are taught from an early age, directly or indirectly, that independence is a virtue and that saying “yes” to everything is the best way to advance your career. Well, a while ago I read an article about when to hire someone to do a job you can do. It came at the exact time my friend Sara recommended a cleaning service. I bit the bullet and hired someone to clean my house, which I highly recommend by the way. This sparked lots of thinking and discussions about what other jobs I could hire someone to do.

So after a half dozen very funny and creative conversations on this awesome conversation topic, here are job positions I’ll be opening some time around 2028 (or sooner if I get applicants). What job would you hire out if you could?

1. Senior Concert and Event Watcher: I am an avid concert-goer and have frequented most of the major venues in DC - Jammin Java, Wolf Trap, DC Improv and 9:30 club being my favorites. While I get all the weekly emails from these places, I usually only spend 4 seconds scanning for a name I know. Unfortunately, this means I probably miss lots of up-and-comers which are usually the best shows. For example, three years ago I saw Eric Hutchinson open at Rams Head Tavern (after which he signed a CD for me) and now he has the theme song for this summer’s hottest movie Away We Go. My Watcher would know my taste and budget and make recommendations on which concerts - or comedians, performances, musicals, etc. - I should go see.
2. Associate 100 Calorie Snack Packer: Have you noticed that candy like M and Ms and Swedish Fish are now being packaged in 100 calorie packs? WTF? It’s still candy. But I must admit that I think it’s marketing genius since these are simply Halloween packs decorated for the other 11 months of the year. It seems like every food is being sold this way - Pringles chips, granola, hummus, etc. Of course I buy these for weight control and convenience, but I feel like I’m being consciously tricked into ruining the environment and paying a premium for being too lazy to look at serving size. My Packer would ration out my snacks for me into reusable tupperware containers so I could buy economy at Costco, save money, be green and watch my waistline at the same time.
3. Facebook Statustician: Not to be confused with a statistician, my Statustician would monitor my friends on Facebook and keep me abreast of key life changes, interesting articles posted, pictures worth looking at and birthdays. (Plus, he or she would know which friends are friends and which are “friends.”) Imagine the time savings of someone filtering information overload to only what you might actually care about and not being sucked into the ‘book on a daily basis. Maybe I could spend the extra time reading a real book.
4. Director of Smoothie Blending: There’s little more refreshing that an icey fresh fruit smoothie (with an immuni/fiber/vita boost mixed in of course). But smoothies require having fresh fruit on hand, making a mess and knowing the right combination of juice/ice/fruit which I always get wrong. Robeks makes a tasty light, banana mango but they are expensive. I would like someone to be on hand to whip me up a healthy breakfast smoothie every day.
5. Executive Googler: My EG would follow me around and every time I had a question, he or she would provide me with the answer. In some ways, this is sort of a 21st Century personal librarian so skills may be transferable. Of course, I didn’t know about kgb, ChaCha or Aardvark when I first thought up this and they all provide a pretty similar function. You should check them out if this is a job you’re also looking to fill.
6. Home Florist (with possible promotion to Gardener): I want someone to help me take care of my plants, put fresh flowers around my house and, possibly grow me some basil and tomatoes. This profession might in fact already exist since these people work in office buildings all over the city keeping live plants looking glorious in lobbies. It would probably be a part time job and I’m pretty easy when it comes to flowers I like - can’t go wrong with gerbera daisies and purple hydrangeas.
7. Efficiencist: Speaking of limited time, are you like me trying to squeeze more out of every day? My Efficiencist would shadow me and every week would make recommendations on how I could do things faster. For example, these could be as simple as keyboard shortcuts or readjusting my schedule like doing laundry before going to work. This highly skilled professional would then monitor my progress and help me readjust habits to implement the recommendations.
8. Personal Tailor: Have you ever gotten a pair of pants taken in? It costs a whopping $14. Wouldn’t it be amazing to pick out what you want to wear and have someone there to make sure it fits you perfectly all the time. With all those pounds you’d shed from your new portion control thanks to your Packer, you could drop LBs and not have to worry about buying new clothes, or alternatively, come back from Fourth of July BBQing and not feel guilty that things are a little snug.
9. Blog Poster: If you’ve gotten this far, you’re a super fan of this blog so you’ll understand this one.  I’ve sort of fallen off the wagon on posting.  My BP would be like the BP across the street - I could just drive up, plug in and get a fresh dose of inspiration and fuel to keep AliBytes going strong.

Honorable mention jobs others have mentioned they would hire: Ironer (I second this but dry cleaners serve this function), Pool boy trained in lethal arts, Baker, 50s-era House Wife, Match maker, Cleaner (which of course I told them is pretty affordable), Laugher and Masseuse. Very belated shout out to Geoff, Tim, Sara, Dave, Elizabeth and Lisa for their contributions to this post.

With Facebook and Twitter providing windows into the worlds of people you might never actually ever see or talk to (leading to hours of virtual stalking), none of us needs another way to waste time.  But you should know these sites exist in case you’re looking to unplug your brain for a few minutes (or hours).

1. Haiku-o-Matic: Haikus can be really silly. This site randomly generates a haiku with the click of a button. If you’re so inclined, you can submit your own.
2. LunchTimers: A magnetic refrigerator-like game that you’re “playing” with other people.  Most of the time you’re competing against strangers for letters but it’s fun to try to get people to have a dialogue. It’s kind of creepy.
3. DeepLeap: Tetris plus scrabble in one.  The fact that it’s timed and scored means there are natural stopping points but also an urge to play just one more. 
4. Jackson Pollock: Create your own masterpiece by dragging your cursor and clicking to change the color. I imagine a real artist could actually make something that looks pretty good.
5. Falling Sand: Kind of like those jars we filled with color sand and gave to our parents as gifts in elementary school. Not my favorite time wasting site but addicting nonetheless.

Last Sunday, I convinced a cab driver to bring four of us from the BWI train station to DC for $15 each. This ride typically costs at least $80, the train wasn’t coming for 45 minutes and if we did wait it was going to be $21 each anyway. He got a really bad deal but not because I drove a hard bargain. On the contrary, all I did was ask.

This wasn’t exactly a hard negotiation but knowing these points from my b-school negotiation course definitely helped in this case and almost on a daily basis.

1. You’re your own barrier: It goes without saying but is worth a reminder that you can’t get what you don’t ask for. One of the most practical assignments I did in grad school was “collecting nos,” an exercise to ask people for things until I got 10 people to say “no” to me. We couldn’t ask the same person twice or use a question twice. It was a clever and effective way to teach that almost everything is up for discussion and barriers to “yes” are often self-made fear of rejection and lack of creativity to look for win-wins. Interestingly, of the more than 25 questions I asked, the most straightforward “no” was from a passer-by in Dupont Circle when I asked “Can I give you a dollar?” (with dollar in hand).
2. No one has to lose: There seems to be a widely held perception that negotiation is about winning and losing. In a successful negotiation, everyone walks away with something they want and the process is more about side-by-side problem solving that competition. Ideally, a negotiation is an opportunity to explore options, expand the pie and uncover the different sides interests to see how to find a middle ground. It’s about the problem not the two people working through it. Food for thought: If you ask who is winning in a marriage, your marriage is in trouble. This is true for negotiation as well.
3. Work on the relationship first: I heard somewhere recently that trust is a mutual understanding of behavior. Start with all the things we do subconsciously with people we care about - be patient, make eye contact, appear vulnerable, listen to understand not to respond, be authentic, find common ground, use “I statements.” Avoid a god-like voice because the expression the “truth is” puts people off.  Instead, speak for your self and represent a point of view not the point of view and you’re more likely to have the other side open up. If the other side isn’t doing any of these things, call them out. It’s hard to believe but being called out on tactics will make your negotiation partner like you more.
4. 85% of success is tied to preparation: As Phil Reed of Edmunds.com, the car buying site, says, “Smart negotiating is based on as much information as you can get.” The mistake a lot of people make in preparation is spending their time researching their needs and wants instead of understanding the other side - identifying their interests, perspective, options, BATNA, fears, tactics, questions they might ask, as well as the victory speech to their boss. Ask the question, If they get what they are asking for, what are they going to do with it? When a negotiation is about money (which is common as it’s often a proxy for other things), try to figure out how they would spend the money. Also, work on strengthening your own BATNA, or what your best alternative to negotiating an agreement, to increase confidence.
5. Power is perception: As my negotiation professor Dr. K reminded us ad nauseum (and rightfully so), “If you think you have the power, you probably do.” Having a good BATNA gives the perception that you have options and that you can walk away. The BATNA is the best alternative choice not a collection of alternatives or the bottom line, as it is often confused.  One caveat is that studies show that when people gain power, they lost perspective taking ability so power can cause one to forget to question assumptions and can make it hard to keep one’s eye on the prize.
6. Ask more questions: They say you have one mouth and two ears so you should be listening twice as much as you talk. Questions test assumptions and are even more important if you’re sure you’re right. The classic example is that two people both want an orange so they decide to split it in half but if they had talked about their interests in the orange, they would have learned that one wanted the fruit and the other wanted the peel.  Some questions to get started: What are you hoping to get out of this? or What bothers you about my idea? Sometimes it’s easier to get someone to criticize you than to describe their own interests. Spend about 20 minutes asking questions, collecting information before throwing out a number. Also, it’s human nature to be uncomfortable with silence. Use it to your advantage to get your partner talking.
7. Style coordination is an art: You can be all things to all people if you know who you are and what’s being asked. The best negotiators really think through their style and adjust based on the other person and situation. An avoider has to approach a competitor very differently than they would a collaborator.
8. Look for tactics, but use them: A tactic called out loses its power but they are also effective. For example, when asked a question you don’t want to answer, respond with another question. Know that “split the difference” usually means the person offering it is getting a better deal. When making concessions, you want to creep and get smaller because shrinking concessions mean you’re getting closer. And you can detect when someone lies through all sorts of body language indicators - tend to look up and to the right, more pauses in conversation, more “allness” – all, always, everyone, none, nobody, higher pitch voice, more self touching - like nose rubbing, and increased blinking. That of course isn’t a tactic, just a tip.  Good luck! 

1. Every day on my way to work I walk by the UPS Store. I think of stores as places where I buy things that I take home with me. Of course, there’s the verb store which means to put in place for keeping. Since UPS doesn’t do either, I don’t think it should be a store.
2. YouTube should have been called TubeYou so that when people talked about it as a verb they’d have to say TubeYoular.
3. Every day, people are announcing major life changes on Facebook and walls are filled with derivatives of the word congratulations. I think we ought to brainstorm and adopt some more innovative words for congratulations. That way there’s a little more self expression in the act of celebrating life achievements in words and Facebook walls aren’t so boring.
4. I heard an interesting rule of thumb recently: You shouldn’t use your blackberry (or smart phone of choice) where it’s not appropriate to do a crossword puzzle.
5. You know those people that hang out on well trafficked sidewalks on the weekends selling bumper stickers “Stop bitching! Start a revolution!” I don’t think hanging out on the sidewalk or bumper stickers count as “a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure.” I want to sell t-shirts that say “Stop selling bumper stickers! Start a revolution!”
6. Have you ever noticed the language of getting things done has a lot of violent associations? For example, beat the crowd, kill time, execute the project, pound the pavement, hit it off, strike up a conversation, give it a whack.
7. It was just brought to me attention that I eat my daily vitamins in the form of gummy bears and daily calcium in a chocolate (I highly recommend Adora). If only Haribo fruit salad had the nutritional value of a real salad.